“I Need Help!”: A Personal Experience with CAPS

October 1st

Dear Diary,

I think I just failed my exam. I studied so hard, but I felt so overwhelmed while taking it that I couldn’t think clearly and ended up leaving half of the test blank. My heart was racing, my head was pounding, and my palms were sweating. I have two more exams coming up, but I’m scared I’m going to freeze up again and fail those too. School was always a strong suit. But now I’m not even sure I’ll pass these classes.

October 8th

Dear Diary,

I had two more exams and felt even worse about them than last week’s test. Again, I froze up and couldn’t remember anything I studied, so I just sat there like a sack of potatoes until time was up. Unbelievable. I had never been the type to feel so easily overwhelmed by school. The rest of the week felt unbearable, like even the smallest assignments were too much to complete. 

Since I was feeling helpless in my classes, I visited my professor during her office hours to express my concerns to her. After listening to me, she said it seemed like I was experiencing some test anxiety and offered some potential solutions to ease the stress. She also suggested booking an appointment with the Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS). I nodded at her suggestion, but internally I was in a daze. CAPS? Surely that wasn’t the answer. CAPS was for other people, not for me. But after a few hours of contemplating the anxiousness that the last few weeks of exams and assignments had brought, I finally concluded that exploring CAPS couldn’t hurt. After all, I was desperate to get back on track with my classes and feel like myself again.

October 11th

Dear Diary,

Woah. I just finished my first CAPS appointment and it’s nothing like I expected. I was able to select my counselor, and contrary to my original beliefs, the selection was not limited to the campus I’m on. The counselor I chose was from another campus, but she offered online sessions which helped with scheduling flexibility. Additionally, one of the first things my counselor did was explain that unlike therapy, counseling through CAPS is intended to be short-term and solution-focused. That being said, we discussed what I was feeling and the potential root causes for those feelings. Not only did she offer test-taking techniques, but she also offered genuine encouragement and validation. Specifically, we discussed how to break apart the thoughts that whispered the lies like“You’re going to fail” during exams, otherwise known as cognitive defusion. We also talked about reframing thoughts so that my mindset could shift from “I did horribly on that exam and am not cut out for this class” to “I worked really hard and am proud of myself for pushing myself with this class even though it’s outside of my comfort zone.” Even though I was already practicing some of the thinking processes she mentioned prior to our counseling session, I didn’t realize so many of them had names and were actual techniques. It was comforting to have the reassurance and encouragement of a licensed professional that I was going to be okay.

October 25th 

These past few weeks have been so much better. Using the techniques from CAPS and having the worksheets my counselor emailed to me from our session has been so useful whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed with my thoughts. Even though booking my first CAPS appointment felt daunting, I couldn’t be more glad that I did it. I’m so grateful my university offers free counseling services to students and that my professor recommended it to me. I’m scheduled for another appointment  and am excited to tell my counselor the progress I’ve made for myself in just two weeks!

 

For more information, visit http://o3pl.bjtvalve.com/counseling/